What You Might Have Been
by Molly-Ann Leikin

I've been reading a book I bought several years ago called How To Get What You Really Want, by Barbara Sher, with Annie Gottlieb. I went to the bookstore to get her new book, but it was sold out, so I came home and started re-reading this one. Turns out, like so many other self help books I've bought, I bought it, then thought okay, now I'll surely get everything I want since I've got the book right here next to the bed! I never actually read it.

So this book was all new to me, and I found myself really looking forward to reading my chapter a day. I was happier, more positive, and much more creative.

"Self," I said, and since I was talking to myself I answered, "Yes?"

"This is good stuff. Let's share Barbara Sher's ideas with my faithful songwriter readers."

The exercise that gave me the biggest boost is called "What You Might Have Been." This is what it says:

"Imagine that you were a gifted child - and had grown up in a family in which you were:

1. treated as though you had a unique kind of genius that was loved and respected.
2. told that you could do and be anything you wanted - and that you'd be loved and admired no matter what it was.
3. given real help and encouragement in finding out what you wanted to do and how to do it.
4. encouraged to explore all of your own talents and interests, even if they changed from day to day.
5. allowed to complain when the going got rough, and given sympathy instead of being told to quit.
6. bailed out when you got in over your head - without reproach.
7. surrounded by winners who were pleased when you won.

Imagining that the seven previous statements are true about you, Sher goes on to ask, "what do you think you'd be doing now? What would you already have done? What kind of person would you be?"

She asks us to think BIG. "Be as extravagant and far-fetched as you like. What I want to hear is the big one, the dream you think you would have gone for if everything had been on your side. If you really think you might have been President of the USA, say the President of the USA. After all, we're only talking "what if". All the rules of reality and possibility and modesty - even the law of gravity - if it cramps your style - are hereby suspended for the duration of this exercise. We'll deal with them later. Right now, I want your imagination free to fly, just as far as it can, in whatever direction it chooses.

The pain can come in as it dawns on you how much you might really have done if your circumstances had been different. But uncomfortable as it is, that is a good sign. It means you are beginning to cherish and respect yourself, and without that, you'll never know how much you still can do. So just let any anger or pain lend your imagination defiant wings. Your capacity to do will depend on your capacity to dream, so prove that THAT capacity has survived in tact." Write it all down.

Here are some samples of "what you might have been" answers from "ordinary people".

* I'd either be Elton John or president of a corporation
* I'd be a whole lot richer
* A great surgeon
* I'd be Robert Di Niro
* I'd have my own international company
* A traveling news correspondent
* President of Princeton University
* I'd be an architect
* A world-famous soprano
* An anchorman
* President of Nike
Remember - don't let modesty or improbability enter the equation. There's no roof on dreaming here!
* I'd have made a movie, traveled all over the world and written/sung/produced several hit records
* I'd have three Olympic gold medals
* I'd be Pete Sampras
* I'd have given Mme. Curie a run for her money
* I'd be the female counterpart of David Letterman
* I'd have published a novel, play guitar, and I'd be studying mime, sign language, drums, Spanish and Japanese
* I'd be a multilingual interpreter at the UN
* I'd be a painter and my work would hang in The Museum of Modern Art

Sher goes on to say:

"Now look at your answers. Were you as daring as the people quoted? Examine your answers carefully. Make sure you're not pulling your punches, settling for the possible or the realistic. If you are, stop and re-adjust your sights upward. Remember, this is a fantasy. We're talking about you as you would have responded to a loving, encouraging, constructive environment, expressly designed to cultivate your genius.

"I'll bet you would have done some fantastic things.

"Would you still like to do them? Or a lot of other things that are just as great?

"You still can."

Thank you, Barbara Sher. I will.

I hope you will, too.

How To Get What You Really Want was published by Ballantine Books, a division of Random House, New York.

© 2000 Molly-Ann Leikin

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